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Understanding Aged Care: How is your Dad?

on Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The road to aged care is rarely easy. Difficulties such as selling the family home, financial considerations, finding suitable care quickly and stress are all too common for family members who are forced to place their family in 24-hour aged care. Donna Vercoe, originally from Canada and now living in Sydney with her Australian-born father, knows what families go through and began writing a blog ‘How is Your Dad?’ to help cope with the stress of placing him in aged care.

 

“I was just writing it all down… I was always venting to my family, my Dad – he’s so strong. First he had a hernia, then a bladder problem, then he fell and ended up in hospital – that’s why I published it.”

Donna’s father suffers from Parkinson’s disease and Lewy body dementia. In a short period of time he has gone from living independently to needing full-time high care in a residential aged care facility.

She has been publishing her blog since 2010 and has found it’s been a way to keep family and friends informed about her Dad’s condition.

“A lot of family and friends use the blog to get the information… rather than me repeating myself! They knew what was going on, they could call me – otherwise, I was exhausted because I was on my own… I didn’t have anyone else.”

Being a young woman in her thirties, she felt that there was no one else in a similar situation. The blog became a way for her to cope with her feelings in a situation where she felt very much alone.

“I didn’t find anyone relatable to me, my Mum used to go to support groups – my Dad didn’t want to go. It helped my Mum but the people there were her age… I haven’t come across anyone my age who’s in my situation.”

Donna’s father entered age care at an earlier age than most people due to his Parkinson’s disease. He has also developed Lewy body dementia due to his Parkinson’s disease and suffers from other conditions such as osteoarthritis in his spine.

Her father’s plan for retirement was to always come back to Australia, the country of his birth and where his siblings are.

So among the stress of placing her father in aged care (which involved selling the family home, hospital visits, finding respite care and then high care) Donna was also relocating to the other side of the world.

“I don’t know how I did it” she said. “He did have to go into care and he wanted to come back to Australia – that was the retirement plan. He wants to see his siblings and where we lived it was very cold… He likes being outside, now we can go to the care home and sit in the garden – and it’s really beautiful.”

Donna says that for people who are in her situation, it’s important to not feel guilty about placing a parent in care.

“There is guilt associated with putting your parents in a home… But you’ve taken it so far, they (the parents) need constant care and medical attention that you cannot provide.”

Donna said that before she had placed her father in care, she was stressed and could not be helpful to him.

“If you consider there’s no other option, I couldn’t take care of him – he’s in the best place possible for his situation and you don’t need to feel guilt.”

“Now when I visit my Dad I can joke with him, he’s smiling and we’re laughing.”
You can read Donna’s blog at http://howisyourdad.blogspot.com.au/

 

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